Last month we talked about two hindrances: unanswered prayers—which lead to cynicism—and insincerity (of ourselves or others) when approaching prayer requests. (If you missed that article you can read it here.) But what about the act of praying itself? I, along with Paul E. Miller, author of the book A Praying Life (which we are examining this year), believe that most Christians find prayer difficult at some level. Often we want to talk to God but find we can’t. Sometimes we don’t know what to say; we don’t know how or what to pray and feel inadequate for the task. Other times we lose focus, distracted by a thousand more “productive” things we could be doing. Alternately, we are drawn away by the allure of something easier and more entertaining. In short, prayer isn’t very “fun,” and our flesh fights it. And sometimes we wonder if our prayers make a difference. Even when they seem to be answered, we wonder if the “answer” was directly impacted by our praying or if the outcome just happened by chance. Does prayer work? Should we continue with such an uncertain endeavor?
With all of these thoughts and hindrances tugging at us, no wonder we find it hard to pray! Let’s look at these additional roadblocks a little closer.
Hindrance #3 – I don’t know what to say/I can’t pray the way I “should”
Despite being told prayer is “just talking to a friend,” we still struggle. It’s hard to talk to someone you can’t see or hear, to someone who doesn’t talk back. Too few have trained their spiritual ear to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit (something that takes time and stillness and surrender). So we rely on formulas—the ACTS model, for example, or even The Lord’s Prayer—but they feel formulaic and stilted. And that’s if we even get beyond the first step! As Miller puts it, “We vaguely sense we should begin by focusing on God, not on ourselves.” So we try to worship, “but it feels contrived, then guilt sets in” again, and any connection we might have had is lost. We feel like someone who is cheating on their spouse, trying to say “I love you” sincerely while all the while knowing their heart is really divided.
And even if we get beyond the first step of adoration and praise, we’re likely to hit a wall at some point. Perhaps we encounter a need greater than our measure of faith, or a person who seems too far gone, or a request that we just don’t know how to intercede for. Sometimes we’re at a loss! “God, I don’t even know what to pray…” And of course, the Accuser of the brethren is right there to point out to us how insincere or inadequate we are. Satan’s good at that.
But Scripture tells us we don’t have to know what to pray!
“In the same way the Spirit [comes to us and] helps us in our weakness. We do not know what prayer to offer or how to offer it as we should, but the Spirit Himself [knows our need and at the right time] intercedes on our behalf with sighs and groanings too deep for words”
(Romans 8:26, Amplified)
Hindrance #4 – I can’t stay focused/I get distracted by other things
Consider this scenario…You pause in your day with every intention of spending some time in prayer, but just 5 minutes in (sometimes less), you find yourself distracted. By sheer force, you try again, but the pattern repeats itself.
Miller puts it this way, “We are so busy that when we slow down to pray, we find it uncomfortable. We prize accomplishments, production. [Prayer] feels useless, as if we are wasting time.” And when we try to be still, the quiet suffocates us. We itch for the incessant noise of our culture. We also “prize intellect, competency and wealth…Money can do whatever prayer does, and it is quicker and less time-consuming. Our trust in ourselves and in our talents makes us structurally independent of God.” Our relationship with God is dysfunctional.
Eventually, you give up trying to pray, adding guilt at being such a “bad” Christian to your failure to pray. Distraction is one of the enemy’s biggest tactics for hindering our prayers. Weak prayer muscles or a dysfunctional relationship with God make us especially vulnerable to this tactic. But Jesus wants to restore that intimate relationship. He wants to impart His victory to us! Read what He says in His Revelation. (Note: Though this passage is often aimed at bringing in the unbeliever, Jesus is actually addressing the churches.)
Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne. Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches.
(Revelation 3:19-22, NIV)
Hindrance #5 – I don’t know if prayer really works
Many of us have tried prayer lists as a tool to help focus our prayers and keep ourselves on task. But when we add a need here and another one there, along with our family members…and friends…and unsaved co-workers or neighbors…and small group members…and …Suddening our prayer list feels long and daunting! Praying through it repeatedly feels boring, especially when we don’t even know if our prayers are working. “When someone is healed or helped,” Miller writes, “we wonder if it would have happened anyway.” This is another of Satan’s specialties. He’s been sowing seeds of doubt since the Garden of Eden. But God has promised that when we pray in faith, He is moving to answer our prayers.
“For this reason I am telling you, whatever things you ask for in prayer [in accordance with God’s will], believe [with confident trust] that you have received them, and they will be given to you”.
(Mark 11:24, Amplified)
These hindrances to earnest regular prayer are real and more common than they should be. So often we know our need for prayer, but the very act of praying exposes something we’d rather not face. Too often “praying exposes how self-preoccupied we are and uncovers our doubts. It [is] easier on our faith not to pray” (Miller). So we don’t.
But we must! Prayer itself is the very antidote for this sickness. We must fight the lies of the enemy which would keep us from coming before the throne of grace. We must fight the flesh which wages war against our spirit. We must fight the notions that prayer has to be done perfectly or not at all. We must come to God as we are and begin again.
Would you pray this prayer with me today?
Lord, I have felt all of these “failures.” I do want to talk to You, but sometimes I don’t even know what to say. Would You teach me, like You did Your disciples, how to pray in a way that makes sense to me? And when I lack the words, Holy Spirit, intercede for me. Lord, I do want a relationship with You that is genuine, but my noisy, busy life distracts me. Teach me how to be still. Train my spiritual ears to hear Your voice. My modern existence diminishes my need for You. Reveal to me how desperately I really do need You. I want to pray effectively, but my spiritual muscles are weak. I feel like the disciples who fell asleep when You asked them to watch and pray with You in the Garden of Gethsemane. Holy Spirit, would You help me for the rest of this year to be diligent to exercise those muscles, to grow in my ability and passion for prayer. Amen.
If you’d like encouragement and support in your prayer life, consider joining one of Summitview’s regular prayer opportunities:
- Sunday mornings 8:30-9:15 a.m., room 204 – all church prayer
- Tuesdays during the lunch hour (12:00-12:15 p.m.) online – all church prayer, connect here.
- 3rd Wednesday of every month 7:00-7:30 p.m., room 204 – parents of teens
If you’d like to get your own copy of A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller, you can order it on Amazon here.
Until next month…I’m praying for you,
Aimee Furhman
