This may be your question. Or maybe you’ve just given up on ever having a vibrant prayer life. Don’t lose hope! Today we’re moving beyond what stops us from praying into beginning the journey toward intimacy with our God. And, yes, it is possible!
Over the last few months we’ve discussed how prayer is daunting for many and a source of guilt. We’ve looked at hindrances to prayer including: unanswered prayers (which lead to doubt and cynicism), insincerity when praying (others’ or ours), not knowing how or what to pray (which leads to insecurity and inaction), and distractions (which pull us away from praying). It’s easy to either give up or to rely solely on prayer formulas and models. Too often, though, these models stifle our relationship with Jesus. Models are good and have a place sometimes. (In fact, we’ll examine some later on.) But because prayer is just a conversation with a person, models can feel stilted.
Think of it like this. Have you ever hit a rough spot with your spouse or another family member, or possibly in your work environment? Sometimes communication breaks down, and a pastor, counselor, or HR rep will recommend a model of communication to restore a functioning relationship. Such a model might include “active listening,” responding with phrases such as “so what I hear you saying is …,” and verbal reinforcement. Does this kind of communication feel natural? No! Because it’s not natural. However, it may be useful for a season to restore natural communication patterns. The same is true for prayer formulas and models. But if we rely solely on them, we never get to a place where genuine communication and relationship flow. As Paul E. Miller in his book A Praying Life says, “In prayer, focusing on the conversation is like trying to drive while looking at the windshield instead of through it. … Because prayer is all about relationship, we can’t work on prayer as an isolated part of life” (p. 8).
The best place to start when you’re feeling frustrated in your prayer life is at the beginning. Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3).
Too often we understand grace when it comes to being saved. We know a person doesn’t have to have it all together when they come to Jesus for the first time. But somehow we forget that when it comes to prayer. But the fact is, Jesus still wants us to come as we are!
The difficulty of coming just as we are is that we are messy. And prayer makes it worse. When we slow down to pray, we are immediately confronted with how unspiritual we are, with how difficult it is to concentrate on God. We don’t know how bad we are until we try to be good. Nothing exposes our selfishness and spiritual powerlessness like prayer.
(Paul E. Miller, A Praying Life, p. 19)
The kind of childlike faith Jesus described is helpful when we pray. Children aren’t hindered by their selfishness or their lack of knowledge. They just come. Sometimes they ask boldly, because they know exactly what they want. Sometimes they tell you what they think, not questioning if it’s right or not; they simply want to share their thoughts with you. Sometimes they dream aloud, not hindered by what’s “possible.” And when their mind thinks of something else, they’re off on that tangent … or not. Maybe they’re just done, and they scamper off to do something else. They are genuine and in the moment. That is how we need to approach our Father.
Jesus [did] not say, “Come to me, all you who have learned how to concentrate in prayer, whose minds no longer wander, and I will give you rest.” No, Jesus opens his arms to his needy children and says, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden ….” The criteria for coming to Jesus is weariness. Come overwhelmed with life. Come with your wandering mind. Come messy.
(Paul E. Miller, A Praying Life, p.19-20)
Miller goes on to say when we’re “weary,” we have trouble concentrating. When we’re “heavy-laden,” we don’t even know where to begin (p. 20). And that’s okay. Jesus is saying, “Just come and tell me where you’re at, what you’re feeling, what you’re thinking … or just sit and cry a little, and I’ll hold you.” Don’t try to get prayer “right;” just talk to God like a child would. To do otherwise is to be artificial with God and religious, which is what the Pharisees did. Jesus wants authenticity not religious formulas.
If you want a vibrant prayer life but doubt it’s possible, or if you have tried prayer models before and become frustrated, here are a few encouragements:
- A vibrant prayer life and a close relationship with God aren’t something you “accomplish” in a set time period. They are part of a lifelong journey.
- Our prayer life and our relationship with God will have ups and downs–seasons of vibrancy and excitement and seasons that feel dry and like a long hike up a 14er.
- Just as in any relationship, when things get tough, the answer is not to give up. It’s to keep hoping and keep working on it. Little steps eventually cover the distance.
- You don’t have to get it “right.” Any little prayer is a great place to start. Jesus really will take you just as you are.
