Posts Tagged 'Hope'

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So Much More Than We Can Carry: Chester Bennington, 1976–2017


 

All the screaming in the world can’t bear our heaviest burdens.


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The Giveaway


 

Life and death on Pine Ridge Indian Reservation.


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Trailer: 'The Next Right Thing'


If your life fell apart while following God’s call, what would you do?


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In Your Despair, Suicide Doesn’t Have to Be the Final Word


 


September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. This is a sobering topic and one with which our county is, unfortunately, well acquainted. It’s hard to say anything about the issue of suicide without trying to say everything, but this essay is primarily about the findability of hope when it all seems lost. If you are actively considering suicide, there are people waiting to talk with you. Please consider contacting the Crisis Text Line, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or Colorado Crisis Services.


The downward spiral started earlier that spring. As always, my depression came like a thief in the night, until I found myself bound in chains while it ran around in my life, crushing me.

That brought me to the beginning of June. The final day of horse camp. Horse camp had gone remarkably well. The kids were great. My helpers were fantastic, as always. The weather was beautiful. It had been loads of fun.

But after everyone had left, I slowly sank down into a chair in the barn’s tack room and wept. I was done…at the end of my rope, and not willing to hang on any longer. I was exhausted from the struggle of trying to hold myself together. I contemplated googling “painless ways to commit suicide” but I didn’t do it.

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Don't Quit: God Works Miracles Even when We're Too Weary to Ask for Them


 


Earlier this year, I was really struggling with negative thoughts and depression. Fighting off all those lies about who you are wears you down to the point you don't want to fight anymore. My heart was a hard little stone in my chest, and I was done with everything. Then a miracle happened.

My friend Shawnee competed in her first triathlon a few weeks ago — along with a billion other crazy people who somehow think a 1.2-mile swim (in Boulder Reservoir), a 56-mile bike ride and a 13.2-mile run sounds fun. In 90-degree weather. Really?

Anyway, I won't go into the absolute zoo of a time I had trying to get to the reservoir, though when I finally got to the road that leads to it, the road was closed. I had missed my friend's swim and now I couldn’t get up to the reservoir at all.

I may have said a bad word. I may have cried a little, too. Maybe.

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